This year, I wanted to quit homeschooling. There was no more joy, I was inadequate and my son deserved more.
Yet, I didn’t want to enroll him in a brick-and-mortar school out of fear or as a way out of something.
I knew there was something amiss with the teacher and I wanted to get myself sorted out first before I wanted to make some serious decisions on my son’s schooling.
I got to the bottom of things and realized I was stressed because I was frustrated. I was frustrated because we couldn’t keep up with our routines. I envied the homeschooling families who started their morning routines at breakfast and by a certain hour in the morning, all kids are seated ready for some tablework. Meanwhile, I struggle to have us start on time all the time. Im constantly reminding for our son to finish his food, do bathroom routine and by the time he’s ready, his toddler sister needs to go to the bathroom and the baby needs to nap. We’re lucky if we could do four days of school work in a week. In fact, we are just at week 15 of 33 weeks of lessons in our curriculum and were already starting a new school year in a few weeks.
For someone who likes getting things done on time (I mean, that was my job as an editorial manager and a video producer!), I felt so helpless that what I knew I could easily do…I now couldn’t.
In my search for answers (mostly on homeschooling sites and books on the subject), I stumbled across Teaching From Rest by Sarah Mackenzie.
From the first page to the last, this book felt like a soothing balm whilst giving me the feeling that I was looking at a mirror. I could relate to practically every point and there were some truths that I needed to read.
As a homeschooling mom to a highly creative, intelligent boy (with two more students coming!), I felt like the task to keep him stimulated and interested was on my shoulders, that I had to keep up all the time with his inquisitive mind and that if his interest waned or if he failed at any point, it would be all on me.
Homeschooling became a task. An arduous task that I had to do and keep on doing for the years to come not only with our son, but with our girls too. I felt overwhelmed and I was ready to throw in the towel. I couldn’t see the blessing that it was. This book reminded me why we chose to homeschool in the first place.
“We must drop the self-inflated view that we are the end-all and be-all of whether the education we offer our children is going to work out…He asks us to faithfully commit every day to Him and then to do that day’s tasks well. He’s in charge of the results.” (page 10, Teaching From Rest)
This book drilled into me that the daily grind is holy ground. Faithfulness in the tasks are little seeds we plant everyday…every bit as important as the grand sunshine or the richness of the soil they grow from.
And that in this whole homeschooling enterprise, the most important aspect is not the curriculum, the timetable, or the checkmarks in the to-do lists. It is, always have been, and always will be the children. I have lost sight of this. And I’ve only been homeschooling for three years!
“Put relationships above everything else.” (page 37, Teaching From Rest)
No wonder there was no more time to just cuddle up and read a book. Everyday was just nag-time to keep up with the schedule. No wonder there was no more joy and I couldn’t bring myself to get more creative in teaching. It was because I was teaching from a place of fear and frustration.
Besides the teaching perspective, this book also helped me realize another thing–that our feelings, though not to be used as basis of decisions, can be very good indicators of something amiss. I learned to listen to myself again and respect where I was and who I am. That translates well to teaching well.
It’s been about three weeks since I’ve started reading this and so far, I’ve been more at peace at home. Not just in homeschooling, but in parenting as a whole. I’ve learned to see the kids more than the tasks. To be quick to listen and to sit down with them to play. To prioritize reading books again and to not fret when things aren’t going as planned. More importantly, I have come to be thankful that I am here at home with them, to be the one to take care of them and to teach them.
I’m grateful for having stumbled across this book. I’m a fairly thrifty Momma but this book–I’m glad we bought this and this one is staying right on my work table. I know it’ll be handy for those moments when I’m way over my head again and need a good reminder of what teaching, and parenting from rest looks and feel like 🙂