Going For It = Letting Go

Have you ever wanted to do something but put it off until “everything is in place”? You know, you want to smooth out everything first, make sure all responsibilities are done before you indulge in the one thing that you want, or feel must do? Well, I’m THAT type of person by default. I don’t know what you’d call it, but I say it’s nuts.

Since last year, God has been teaching me to “go for it”. Go for what my heart really desires NOW. Be bolder. Less fearful. Do this more: pray and be lead by grace. For my faith is in grace and its giver.

Well, I’m now 37 years old and I just gave birth to my third child. Life is too short to wait for the “perfect moment”. You make the moment perfect as you go along.

That’s been the theme of our lives lately and through those newfound lenses, I’m learning to navigate motherhood and homeschooling in a different way.

As a stay-at-home mother, I’m learning time and again that I cannot wait for the baby to finish feeding before I can stand up and start feeding our two other children. Now is the time to start relearning my one-handed tricks I learned back when we had our firstborn.

In the same vein, I’m also learning to eat cookies when I want to (even if it’s early in the morning), buy that leather sandals I’ve finally found after months of searching, and read to my child even if it’s not “yet time for it” according to our homeschool schedule. Live life according to what NOW call for.

Nowhere has this new mindset been more utilized and helpful than in our homeschool.

Probably not surprising but I’m a schedule-maker and I’m a schedule-follower. But while making schedules used to bring me delight and “comfort”, my rigidity in following it has robbed me of joy in my tasks. So I’ve finally decided to pin a “loose” schedule on the fridge, but hardly have been glancing towards it. Throughout the day, I go by what “feels right” in our daily ride with the kids.

Being a homeschooling mom and our kids’ primary caregiver, I’m part of the daily grind with the kids. We get up and establish our own rhythm as the day wears on, and I have to respect that. Sometimes, there are moments where it just calls for them to sit together and enjoy making clay figures. Then, my son gets up to finish making his hand-drawn books and my daughter is left alone and suddenly invites me to dance with her. I have learned to oblige, regardless if I’m carrying an infant or not. Soon after, it’s naptime for the girls and that’s when I take advantage of reading to our son. That is the perfect time to get into our homeschool schedule as planned. But I no longer stress over what is done when. What is important is we jump on learning opportunities with gusto and enjoy ourselves.

The main reason for this major change is the book, “Teaching From Rest” by Sarah Mackenzie, which I haven’t finished yet but have brought such profound insights and have helped catapult me onto some conviction-led changes in our life and home. I love this book and when I am done with it, I will write a more comprehensive review on it.

For now, I leave this space with the most important thing I’ve begun to see in motherhood and homeschooling—our children see when we are anxious, when we are stressed out, or when we are enjoying them. They see truth in an instant and they react accordingly. What a curse it would be if all they see in us is that they are mere “tasks” to be done, and part of a list that should just be checked. What a waste it would be if we are to parent them but find no joy in it, to have an opportunity to educate them but have made them into chores instead. Even the blessing of parenthood can be made into a burden…if we let our focus wander elsewhere. Like a shot in the arm, I feel thankful for the jolt that brings me back to reality—I do not need to be in control of them, I just need to be present with them and let myself enjoy them.

Going for it and choosing to live in the present has meant taking daily miniature leaps of faith for me, and I will admit, relinquishing control is liberating as it is scary. I love this journey 🙂

 

 

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